I found Michelle Citron’s article “The Films of Jan Oxenberg” very useful in easing my confusion after watching the films shown on Monday. Though I was able to understand that the films’ intent was to give insight into as well as celebrate life as a lesbian, I was unable to point to how exactly that was accomplished and how the images on screen fulfilled this goal. I was particularly intrigued by her comments on Home Movie (1972) which allowed me to arrange my thoughts on the film and realize why it was that I found the piece moving. 

          The use of old home video footage not only adds a sense of authenticity to the piece, but also comments on the home and family as a source of pressure and oppression. Furthermore, the location of the footage in the home and at school reinforces that these two institutions are primary sources of socialization into the female role. It made me reflect on my own experiences in school as a child and ponder the ways in which they reinforced gendered stereotypes. For example, I recall having reading time in the first grade and the teacher having separated books into a pile for the boys to pick from and one fom the girls to pick from suspecting that the books in the boys section would be of interest to boys and that those in the girls section would be of interest to girls. Thus, even the expectation of what a boy or girl’s interests should be was established in such a way that reinforced gendered stereotypes to the young and impressionable minds of children. 

          The images of the small girl dressed like a doll and dancing also resonated with me, especially once the stereotypically male act of playing sports appeared on screen. Sports reaffirm masculinity while dance and dress up reaffirm femininity. I recall in elementary school feeling like I needed to dress more girly in my day to day life because of the fact that I was so involved with sports. I did not want my athleticism to interfere with my quest to fulfill “true femininity” as Citron puts it in her article. The very nature of athletics compared to that of dress up and dance underscore the expectations of men versus women. While men are expected to be competitive, tough, strong and aggressive, the construction of the image of femininity is put-together and graceful. Taking this thought a step further, one could argue that this construction of femininity is meant to be most pleasing to males or in other words to be suited for heterosexual relationships, thus invalidating homosexual ones.

           Furthermore, while the the institutions of family and school are meant to represent community and a feeling of belonging, the film suggests otherwise by illustrating the expectations the institutions placed on females with disregard for that individuals own feelings or desires. I appreciated that though the film was about a lesbian who experienced feeling out of place, it resonated with anyone who has ever experienced pressure to act a certain way or be something they are not. Thus, a connection was drawn between lesbians as a group and all people who have struggled to fit in, giving insight to the viewer of life as a lesbian in a way they can relate to. I found the intercutting between the cheerleading images and the images of lesbians in protest and playing football particularly powerful. Despite the fact that the actions of the women in the protest and football images are against and direct contradictions to stereotypes of femininity and how a female is expected to behave, the women in these scenes have found that community and sense of belonging that they have been missing. They have realized that trying to fulfill expectations of how to behave as women in order to fit in and belong will never work and rather being true to themselves is what will give them peace and a feeling of belonging. I found this message useful to not just lesbians but all people.